I was a good Catholic all my life, went to Mass and confession regularly. And then something happened about three years ago. I realized Sunday stressed me because of the thought of going to Mass. It would make me antsy and guilty and tired. So I stopped going for many reasons:
1) In our village, I hate fighting for seats.
2) In general, the priests don’t say anything that means anything to me. For example, during the weekend of Ondoy, the priest didn’t even mention the flood, he just talked about the Gospel. I hate it when priests write their sermon and read from a printout instead of speaking from the heart.
3) I hate it when Mass turns political.
4) No offence to my dozens of gay friends, but I don’t like gay priests saying Mass.
5) It’s so hard to confess, I swear to God. We used to be able to confess during Mass and then something happened and they stopped doing this. And I hate going to Mass without the benefit of Holy Communion.
6) All church restrooms in Manila are SCARY.
7) I really feel bad when the priest says “piss bi wid you” instead of “peace be with you.” Some people giggle. I just get annoyed. I wish we had more intelligent priests.
8. Some priests have turned me off the Church. The gay priests, the yabang priests, and the priest who was playing a CD in his airconed office while I was confessing to him. I like Frank Sinatra, but I can’t concentrate if I’m singing along in my head.
9) The fact that I cannot take communion every week because there is something I need to confess—such as not going to Mass on Sunday due to all of the reasons above.
Yes, I feel wretched and unhappy about this. I hate crowded places, I hate fight for seats, I hate the meaningless sermons and the changing cheesy versions of Ama Namin, I can’t keep up. I know I’m asking for too much but I really wish we had nice churches that inspire and not cause one to daydream, check one’s phone, and wish it were over as soon as we came in.
That said, this spoken word video says a lot to me. I’m not saying I’m right or he’s right, I’m just saying, Dear God, please forgive me for feeling this way. I do wish I were a good Catholic who just goes to Mass every Sunday even if I don’t feel like it. But I have felt more relief staying home on Sunday than planning my day around a Mass that doesn’t mean anything to me.
You did say keep the Sabbath holy and rest. I do like to rest on Sunday, not stress (I’m sorry).
There are days that I thirst and want to go to confession and cleanse myself, like last night and now, but where to find that Church that inspires me?
P.S. I am Catholic and will always be, so please don’t try to recruit me to another church/service/pastor.
Thank you @kingcrux31 for sharing this video. Watch and listen.