chuvaness
Simple Girl vs. Preview Girl (final)
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Warning: Contains spoilers

Ram Escaler has a problem. He’s having an affair and yet he doesn’t ever hide his phone.

Derek Ramsey

So while he falls asleep, he fails to read a message from his mistress.
His wife picks up the phone and texts the mistress back to call back: “Wife is here, can’t talk. Please call me. Just wanna hear your voice.”
Kara calls Ram’s phone, wife hears her voice and confirms the affair.
The revelation turns the simple housewife into another Preview Girl—she suddenly becomes chicer!

Cristine Reyes

It also encourages her to turn their bedroom into a boudoir while she tries to seduce her husband who is not in the mood, due to the fact that he already had some.

A chance encounter at a department store finds Kara and Sharmaine both wearing Barney (not Barneys) purple and fighting over a very ugly bag, which Grace and Jay point out is by YSL. (It could’ve come from Secosana or uglybags.com, as far as I’m concerned. As far as my brother Dennis is concerned, they should’ve been fighting over a Valextra bag—don’t ask.)
Wife convinces mistress to have coffee, which leads to dinner at home.
Why a beautiful, strong-will heiress would allow herself to be humiliated by her lover’s wife in their home is beyond me.
The whole scene is a mess and I cannot stand all of Sharmaine’s lines.
Dinner is a disaster. Ram scolds his wife, then mistress runs to her BFFs where screams (a must in Pinoy movies) why she has to fall in love with a married man.

Anne Curtis, Ricci Chan

It is unclear why after scolding his wife, Ram decides to end his affair with Kara, who happens to have a bed inside her living room.

In a very insensitive move, Ram decides to take his wife to the resort when he delivers the orders from uglyfurniture.com. They also indulge in foreplay in a very public swimming pool—in full view of the heiress who owns the resort.
Here’s where the two women have a showdown in bathing suits, and we are very much distracted by Anne Curtis’s wardrobe malfunction which lasts more than one scene. (Did anyone notice that her boobs were falling off her flimsy top?)
After a very ugly cat fight, the Escalers pack up and go home and Sharmaine decides to leave her husband.

Ram’s cottage industry closes down. In short, karma is taking its course.
Then Kara turns into Fatal Attraction and stalks him like a lunatic while he completely ignores her. It doesn’t matter if she’s screaming her head off or falling apart—she is always the perfect cover girl 24/7. Meaning—she is never really ugly.

Anne Curtis

In a final scene, we predict a very bad car accident which will have a casualty—will it be Ram or Kara?
The car accident is so horrible, Ram crashes into a truck carrying iron bars, which penetrate his windshield and enter his body.
This is where Jay and Grace are officially grossed out, while I kind of enjoyed it 🙂
Unfortunately the gory scene was borrowed from the Korean horror movie, The Wig.
Check this out.

The Wig
The Wig
The Wig

Happy Halloween!

The Wig

The grossest part is when Ram is wheeled into the E.R. with a rod sticking out of his chest— I seriously don’t know how he survived it because that would mean someone had the time to saw off the iron bar very carefully=tons of blood loss. But he did survive, because hey, this is a Tagalog movie.
Here’s where Kara has a change of heart and decides to give up the man and leave for New York with very minimal luggage.

In one last predictable Pinoy movie scene, the three meet up by chance at Mercato Centrale (of all places) where we finally find out what the family business is: they sell Angry Bird cupcakes.

Angry Birds cupcakes......

To let us know time has elapsed, Kara dons an ugly wig, while the Escalers are toting an ugly kid (sorry, God!) #truth.
I have seen this scene before in Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin and other Pinoy movies where a broken love affair/couple bumps into each other randomly after a couple of years, and one of them has a child.

From a scale of 1-10, I would give the movie a 5.
While that is average, it is worth noting that while we were cringing the whole time, none of us three ever mentioned walking out of the movie like we have done in past Pinoy movies.

No Other Woman

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Nhx1031

Haha haven’t seen this movie, and I never wanted toooooooo!! 🙂 Typical story. It’s just that a lot of people can relate to the story PLUS Christine and Anne PLUS Derek (poor acting) PLUS Star Cinema’s series of publicity and advertising EQUALS = Blockbuster! That’s why Filipino movies never got the hype of every Filipinos, SAME-SAME and SO-SO.

You’re a great movie reviewer, you should do this every now and then. More power! 🙂

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dee

i realize your comment “From a scale of 1-10, I would give the movie a 5. While that is average, it is worth noting that while we were cringing the whole time, none of us three ever mentioned walking out of the movie like we have done in past Pinoy movies.” is exactly how i felt about the movie. i didn’t understand why people raved about it but it admittedly was the best among the movies i’ve been duped into seeing (literally i wanted to leave bec i felt like i was watching  something worse than a barney production in… Read more »

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Guest

“Wife is here, can’t talk. Please call me. Just wanna hear your voice.”
ang labo. can’t talk pero asking her to call. :p

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Candifier

I may be late in saying this but your No Other Woman review is hilarious. I was going to do one but I got sick and forgot. But the baby in the end nearly killed me with laughter. I think I mentioned tiyanak at that point. 

Miss you C!

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Pamelamiguel

hilarious review jiritajackson and I thought I was one of those weird ones who’s not looking forward to see this movie despite of the superfluous reviews from everyone. 

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Jank

I was expecting an ala-World Wrestling Federation-bakbakan between Anne and Cristine but alas, it didn’t happen. There was furniture hanging around, Cristine could’ve smashed Anne with one of the random chairs nearby. That would’ve been a real knockout!

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Thirdchild

My family and i love your review of this movie. My dad finally read your blog after proudly saying he read chuvaneska.com huh???! Whats that?! Over dinner and drinks we read your review; enjoy si mommy. She said that a certain property developer shouldn’t use Anne Curtis anymore as their endorser because it might give ideas to people with mistresses. Hehe! I on other hand agree with you on the short, dark, bald part to describe derek (no offense!). We are eagerly awaiting your next blog entry. 🙂

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Jane_nos

Hi! I find your review super funny! Actually when I watched the movie, I told my friends not to watch it anymore because the comments and reviews for this movie were all hyped up. Sayang lang. I rarely watch Tagalog movies because I get so disappointed (not even) halfway through the movie. 

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