Warning: Contains spoilers
Ram Escaler has a problem. He’s having an affair and yet he doesn’t ever hide his phone.
So while he falls asleep, he fails to read a message from his mistress.
His wife picks up the phone and texts the mistress back to call back: “Wife is here, can’t talk. Please call me. Just wanna hear your voice.”
Kara calls Ram’s phone, wife hears her voice and confirms the affair.
The revelation turns the simple housewife into another Preview Girl—she suddenly becomes chicer!
It also encourages her to turn their bedroom into a boudoir while she tries to seduce her husband who is not in the mood, due to the fact that he already had some.
A chance encounter at a department store finds Kara and Sharmaine both wearing Barney (not Barneys) purple and fighting over a very ugly bag, which Grace and Jay point out is by YSL. (It could’ve come from Secosana or uglybags.com, as far as I’m concerned. As far as my brother Dennis is concerned, they should’ve been fighting over a Valextra bag—don’t ask.)
Wife convinces mistress to have coffee, which leads to dinner at home.
Why a beautiful, strong-will heiress would allow herself to be humiliated by her lover’s wife in their home is beyond me.
The whole scene is a mess and I cannot stand all of Sharmaine’s lines.
Dinner is a disaster. Ram scolds his wife, then mistress runs to her BFFs where screams (a must in Pinoy movies) why she has to fall in love with a married man.
It is unclear why after scolding his wife, Ram decides to end his affair with Kara, who happens to have a bed inside her living room.
In a very insensitive move, Ram decides to take his wife to the resort when he delivers the orders from uglyfurniture.com. They also indulge in foreplay in a very public swimming pool—in full view of the heiress who owns the resort.
Here’s where the two women have a showdown in bathing suits, and we are very much distracted by Anne Curtis’s wardrobe malfunction which lasts more than one scene. (Did anyone notice that her boobs were falling off her flimsy top?)
After a very ugly cat fight, the Escalers pack up and go home and Sharmaine decides to leave her husband.
Ram’s cottage industry closes down. In short, karma is taking its course.
Then Kara turns into Fatal Attraction and stalks him like a lunatic while he completely ignores her. It doesn’t matter if she’s screaming her head off or falling apart—she is always the perfect cover girl 24/7. Meaning—she is never really ugly.
In a final scene, we predict a very bad car accident which will have a casualty—will it be Ram or Kara?
The car accident is so horrible, Ram crashes into a truck carrying iron bars, which penetrate his windshield and enter his body.
This is where Jay and Grace are officially grossed out, while I kind of enjoyed it
Unfortunately the gory scene was borrowed from the Korean horror movie, The Wig.
Check this out.
The grossest part is when Ram is wheeled into the E.R. with a rod sticking out of his chest— I seriously don’t know how he survived it because that would mean someone had the time to saw off the iron bar very carefully=tons of blood loss. But he did survive, because hey, this is a Tagalog movie.
Here’s where Kara has a change of heart and decides to give up the man and leave for New York with very minimal luggage.
In one last predictable Pinoy movie scene, the three meet up by chance at Mercato Centrale (of all places) where we finally find out what the family business is: they sell Angry Bird cupcakes.
To let us know time has elapsed, Kara dons an ugly wig, while the Escalers are toting an ugly kid (sorry, God!) .
I have seen this scene before in Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin and other Pinoy movies where a broken love affair/couple bumps into each other randomly after a couple of years, and one of them has a child.
From a scale of 1-10, I would give the movie a 5.
While that is average, it is worth noting that while we were cringing the whole time, none of us three ever mentioned walking out of the movie like we have done in past Pinoy movies.