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Warning: Contains spoilers
Ram Escaler has a problem. He’s having an affair and yet he doesn’t ever hide his phone.
So while he falls asleep, he fails to read a message from his mistress.
His wife picks up the phone and texts the mistress back to call back: “Wife is here, can’t talk. Please call me. Just wanna hear your voice.”
Kara calls Ram’s phone, wife hears her voice and confirms the affair.
The revelation turns the simple housewife into another Preview Girl—she suddenly becomes chicer!
It also encourages her to turn their bedroom into a boudoir while she tries to seduce her husband who is not in the mood, due to the fact that he already had some.
A chance encounter at a department store finds Kara and Sharmaine both wearing Barney (not Barneys) purple and fighting over a very ugly bag, which Grace and Jay point out is by YSL. (It could’ve come from Secosana or uglybags.com, as far as I’m concerned. As far as my brother Dennis is concerned, they should’ve been fighting over a Valextra bag—don’t ask.)
Wife convinces mistress to have coffee, which leads to dinner at home.
Why a beautiful, strong-will heiress would allow herself to be humiliated by her lover’s wife in their home is beyond me.
The whole scene is a mess and I cannot stand all of Sharmaine’s lines.
Dinner is a disaster. Ram scolds his wife, then mistress runs to her BFFs where screams (a must in Pinoy movies) why she has to fall in love with a married man.
It is unclear why after scolding his wife, Ram decides to end his affair with Kara, who happens to have a bed inside her living room.
In a very insensitive move, Ram decides to take his wife to the resort when he delivers the orders from uglyfurniture.com. They also indulge in foreplay in a very public swimming pool—in full view of the heiress who owns the resort.
Here’s where the two women have a showdown in bathing suits, and we are very much distracted by Anne Curtis’s wardrobe malfunction which lasts more than one scene. (Did anyone notice that her boobs were falling off her flimsy top?)
After a very ugly cat fight, the Escalers pack up and go home and Sharmaine decides to leave her husband.
Ram’s cottage industry closes down. In short, karma is taking its course.
Then Kara turns into Fatal Attraction and stalks him like a lunatic while he completely ignores her. It doesn’t matter if she’s screaming her head off or falling apart—she is always the perfect cover girl 24/7. Meaning—she is never really ugly.
In a final scene, we predict a very bad car accident which will have a casualty—will it be Ram or Kara?
The car accident is so horrible, Ram crashes into a truck carrying iron bars, which penetrate his windshield and enter his body.
This is where Jay and Grace are officially grossed out, while I kind of enjoyed it
Unfortunately the gory scene was borrowed from the Korean horror movie, The Wig.
Check this out.
The grossest part is when Ram is wheeled into the E.R. with a rod sticking out of his chest— I seriously don’t know how he survived it because that would mean someone had the time to saw off the iron bar very carefully=tons of blood loss. But he did survive, because hey, this is a Tagalog movie.
Here’s where Kara has a change of heart and decides to give up the man and leave for New York with very minimal luggage.
In one last predictable Pinoy movie scene, the three meet up by chance at Mercato Centrale (of all places) where we finally find out what the family business is: they sell Angry Bird cupcakes.
To let us know time has elapsed, Kara dons an ugly wig, while the Escalers are toting an ugly kid (sorry, God!) #truth.
I have seen this scene before in Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin and other Pinoy movies where a broken love affair/couple bumps into each other randomly after a couple of years, and one of them has a child.
From a scale of 1-10, I would give the movie a 5.
While that is average, it is worth noting that while we were cringing the whole time, none of us three ever mentioned walking out of the movie like we have done in past Pinoy movies.
No Other Woman is about a love triangle between a young married (childless) couple (Derek Ramsay + Cristine Reyes) and a jetskiing resort world heiress (Anne Curtis).
Derek plays Ram Escaler whose day job is Artistic Director of uglyfurniture.com.
He is married to Sharmaine, a simple girl housewife who crochets on her free time (Cristine Reyes).
The couple live in a gaudy, gilded house, along with Sharmaine’s family. Her father looks like a truck driver and her mother is a very simian-looking Carmi Martin. One wonders what the family business is.
While the whole house may have been decorated by April Boy Regino, luckily, Ram and Sharmaine’s bedroom remain in good taste.
One day, a very gay designer walks into Ram’s showroom to place a big order of furniture for a new resort owned by Tirso Cruz (not the third, but the Pip).
Ram gets to fly out into the island/resort to meet the boss (Pip) who turns out to be his father’s old frienemy. Here it is revealed that Ram has real baggage as he is estranged from his loser father.
During his free time, Ram dives into the water, where the jetskiing heiress, Kara Zalderiaga (Anne Curtis) almost hits him. For some reason, she chooses to dive into the water, where she loses her bikini top.
Fortunately, the bikini top is conveniently floating very near to Ram. He fishes this out of the water, while Kara encourages him to put it on her. (Here starts the grossfest. Sorry but I’m one of the minority who doesn’t find Derek cute. I find him short, dark, and bald. Plus the whole bikini top scene is so Pinoy komiks—cringe!!)
They meet again at the boss’s office where Ram finds out that the girl he flirted with in the water is actually the boss’s daughter (read: Tirso). It doesn’t hurt that she’s dressed like a Preview cover girl 24/7.
Through Kara’s help, Ram gets the green light to design and manufacture furniture for the resort.
Because of this, the two have to meet up and work together. This includes teaching Kara how to play golf in a bathing suit.
During one of their business meetings in their swim suits in the water at sunset, Ram informs Kara that he’s married. She replies in the tone of Friends With Benefits: no problem, no falling in love, now kiss me you fool (Cringefest #2!!).
Meanwhile, simple housewife Sharmaine has dialed too many missed calls to her husband. She decides to go to the laundry section of her house to inspect his garments, where she finds the wedding ring inside one of his trousers.
He is so in trouble!! The suspicious housewife further investigates and opens his agenda where he conveniently left a Post-It note of his dinner date at 7th High. This is where Simple Girl goes to meet Preview Girl in the restroom, and where the two lovers are nearly caught in the act of a dinner date—to which I say: if you’re having an affair, you do not have dinner at Bonifacio High Street, you go to St. Lucia East.
(To be continued….napagod ako)
If Hollywood has Avatar (highest grossing movie of all time at US$ 760,505,847), then Star Cinema x Viva Films have No Other Woman, highest grossing Tagalog movie of all time at Php 267 million (roughly US$ 6,260,257).
Now that it has made that much money, it won’t hurt if I give it an honest review, would it?
Last Saturday night, I dragged Grace and Jay to watch the movie everyone has seen (except us) and has left people either raving or wondering why people are raving about it. Naturally I wanted to know which category I would fall into.
Luckily, I am neither a friend nor hater of Anne Curtis so I can tell the truth (unlike all her Twitter friends who called it the best movie they have ever seen = sad).
Megamall is one of the last cinemas that is still screening the movie up to now. Got ourselves dropped off at the Bench/National Bookstore entrance, and saw something mind-boggling—someone was actually sleeping on bench right in front of Bench (coincidentally) which is right smack at the main entrance of the mall.
WTF is going on? This would never happen in Singapore. I remember when Ana and I were waiting for my mom and sister at Takashimaya, we briefly sat on the floor to wait. A guard immediately spotted us and told us we were not allowed to sit there. So this could never happen in Singapore.
The odd thing is, in another part of the mall, I saw another guy sleeping on the stairwell.
Was there a midnight sale I didn’t know about and these employees are simply exhausted or taking a break?
And who is that kid guarding the sleeping giant? Bizarro.
Anyway, moving along, we spotted Hayden’s cute picture in the mall.
Jay says it has the feel of Takeshi Kaneshiro for Biotherm Homme
We proceeded to the box office where I lined up for tickets. That’s three tickets for Php 540 or Php 180 per person.
At Php 267,000,000 divided by Php 180 = that means more than 1,483,000 paid to watch the movie.
That’s almost the same number as Anne Curtis’s Twitter followers!!
(To be continued)
Spotted at Glorietta 5
Ely Buendia for Bench Fix
Music icon beyond his years, rockstar Ely Buendia joins the Bench family as Bench Fix’s latest endorser of styling products.
The songwriter, guitarist and former lead vocalist of the legendary Eraserheads helped defined a generation and, perhaps, the very sound of OPM in the ’90s. Today, his music continues to evolve with his current band Pupil.
In the realm of movies, Ely recently appeared in Quark Henares’ Rakenrol and has directed a 13-minute independent film entitled Waiting Shed, which was featured as part of Cinemanila’s Sine Barangay Festival.
As an endorser of Bench Fix products, Ely’s current favorite is Clay Doh Lite Molding Clay.
This lightweight product has an easy washout formula that allows you to restyle your hair any time of day—and the ability to keep hair intact while rocking and head banging all night long.
To achieve Ely’s rockability, rub a small amount of clay in your palms and work through the hair for that desired hairstyle.
Available in all Bench Stores, Bench Fix Salon, Watsons, and all leading supermarket and department stores.
I have always wondered. I’m so naive, tell you the truth I have to watch this to find out.
In ENSLAVED: An MTV EXIT Special, Jared Leto of Thirty Seconds to Mars talks about real-life issues on human trafficking and exploitation.